THE TRIP FROM HELL - BELIZE IT OR NOT

Okay, the trip started on Monday, December 29, 1997. Barry arrived at my house at about 9:15 a.m. We have almost an hour before we need to leave for the airport. We open Christmas gifts, no, wait, let me re-phrase that.... HE opened Christmas gifts, about 20 of them, all from me. He gave me an unwrapped gift. A beautiful 24kt. gold bracelet, which I loved. But, I thought he would NEVER finish unwrapping his gifts, cuz time was a'wastin'.

Finally, with no time to spare (later I learn this is a common occurrence) we pack our 2 dive bags, and 2 suitcases, and 4 carry-ons into Barry's little rental car. Riding with my knees up to my chin (cuz the 4 carry-ons were on the floor board on my side) we proceed to the airport. Barry pulls up to the front and tells me to "go ahead and take the luggage in and check it in and he'll wait at the car so we don't get a ticket." Not wanting to argue this early in the trip, I proceed to haul in the luggage. The wind is blowing up a storm, and my freshly done hair is being totally re-arranged. While he stands outside the car, by the trunk, smoking a cigar, I made 4 trips back and forth and finally get all of the luggage ready to check in. Barry gives me his passport and tells me to "check us in." I'm thinking, I can't check him in for an international trip if he isn't with me, but what do I know... after all HE is the expert at this, so, far be it for me to question him. So, with all 4 heavy suitcases, and 4 carry-ons in tow, and my hair looking like it's been arranged with a weed eater, I wait in line. It was really fun trying to juggle the luggage, and keep it moving through the maze, while the people behind me are wondering what on earth I am doing with so much stuff!!!! I finally get to the counter. I check in our stuff, and check myself in, and attempt to check Barry in. Alas! Can't do that without him there! DUH. (thinking I'm not so stupid after all!) I look around for him, but no sign of a 6'6" blonde guy anywhere. I can't wait at the counter forever, because people are growing impatient (wonder why?) So, I leave. Sure enough, here comes Barry... da dum de dum.... He goes, "Let's go." I tell him he has to check himself in. He looks at the line, which has grown into a really long line by this time. He cusses and starts to chew me out for not checking him in. What a guy! He finally gets checked in and we head for the gate, again, not a moment to spare!

We changed planes in Houston, but Barry wanted to grab a bite to eat first. He eats, reads a newspaper, so needless to say, we make it to the gate as the plane is boarding. Two hours later, we arrive in Belize City. We have to clear customs, and there are two lines. One really large line that says, "Visitors" and another short line that said, "Residents." Barry tells me to "come on" and heads for the "Residents" line. I know I am not a rocket scientist, but I do know that I am not a resident of Belize, therefore, I would be a Visitor!!!! I bring that to Barry's attention, and I am ignored. Sure enough, we get to the counter and we are told that we are not residents, so we need to get in the long Visitor's line. DUH. Again, Barry starts cussing and announces they need more employees to handle the crowd. I really don't think they will be interviewing applicants any time soon. Needless to say, the people in the Visitor's line were amused by all of this.

We finally make it through customs and go to claim our baggage so we can hop a commuter plane to Ambergris Caye, the island. This plane holds 8 people, pilot included. We roller coaster our way to the island. Now, in our travel plans (which I have handled completely, since Barry is ohhh so busy) they told us we would be met at the airport and driven to our hotel. Barry is looking for a van or similar transportation. We are met instead by an old beat up car that would have fit into Sanford and Son's front yard. Another couple is joining us for the trip to the hotel. So, we have 5 of us in this car (and I use that term loosely) and our luggage has been tied into the trunk, on top of the car and in our laps. Thank goodness this will be a short ride. On the way to the hotel, Barry says, "Our suite had better have a veranda because I want to smoke a stogie." Now, for those of you who aren't aware of the pre-trip planning, most people who go to Ambergris Caye for New Year's, plan their trip in June, at the latest. This is a small island and there are very few places to stay. No major hotels at all. So, it took me forever to find accommodations for us at all, much less with a veranda!!!! However, we arrive and things are fine. We have a small veranda, that we have to share with others, but a veranda, nevertheless.

We go out for a nice meal and have a great time! (mark this moment, cuz they are few and far between!) We return to our suite and Barry immediately starts trying on his scuba gear and making sure he has all of the things he needs, since we have reservations at 9:00 a.m. the following morning for a dive. Again, for those of you who weren't aware of the pre-planning of this dive trip, Barry had no diving gear. It was my responsibility to obtain his full set of gear, from the wetsuit, to the regulator, to the buoyancy control vest, to fins, mask, snorkel, dive light, dive bag, weight belt, gloves, knife, etc. Oh and let's not forget the dive computer.... more on that later. Anyway, I'd been sweatin' this for a month. If things didn't fit, I'd NEVER hear the end of it. But, oh happy day, everything was perfect! I wasn't thanked for my efforts, but I'm getting used to that by now. The next morning, I wake up to find Barry outside on the veranda reading about his $1,500 dive computer. He has never used it, so he's trying to figure it out before our first dive. It is one of those wrist mounted computers that has a connection to the tank, with no wire or cable. Highly sophisticated. My computer is a $500 set-up that has a cable from the tank, and although both computers do about the same thing, mine isn't as high tech as his is, at least in his eyes. We load up our gear and prepare to head for the dive boat. Barry fails to tell me that when he spoke to the dive captain to confirm our reservation, the captain told him they'd pick us up at the pier in front of our hotel. So, since I am not aware that they could pick us up right at our own pier, we begin this walk, which is about 6 blocks away, dive gear in tow. Barry hands me his gear cuz he forgot to get a stogie. I'm told to "go on to the boat" with both sets of gear. For the non-divers, this is some kind of HEAVY. I arrive at the dock, huffing and puffing and totally exhausted. The dive captain informs me that they told Barry they'd meet us at OUR pier! I told the captain to direct all conversations of this nature to ME from now on! Everyone is ready to leave, but wait.... where is Barry???? The engine is running and he still has not joined us on the boat. We wait. And we wait. Finally, here comes Barry with his Cuban cigar. Never mind that he kept the entire group waiting. He hops into the boat, no apologies. We head off for the dive site. We get almost there and we are told to start gearing up. Barry has his dive bag right beside him, along with my dive bag. He starts gearing up, and I ask him to hand me my bag so I can start gearing up, too. He tells me to "just wait until he is finished, and then he'll hand it to me." (Maybe I was supposed to say, "Mother May I?) I patiently wait, while everyone else is happily putting on their gear. Again, I request my bag. I am jumped on because he isn't finished gearing up, and he'll give it to me in a minute. He is now fully geared and ready to fall off the boat. I am just starting to get ready. I'm thinking that this guy might not win the "Gentleman of the Year Award." The dive master makes everyone wait while I gear up. This upsets Barry. He's ready to go! He turns and tells me to hurry up cuz I'm holding up the group. I am really not liking this guy right now. Finally, we all fall off the boat and descend. Since this is Barry's first dive with his new gear, he doesn't know how to operate his BC (which is the vest that you wear when you dive that is sorta like a life jacket, which is hooked to your air tank and you have to dump out the air before you can descend) therefore, he isn't descending with the rest of us, he is bobbing on the surface! Now, we went over all of this the night before, and I tried to tell him how to operate the BC (since our equipment is EXACTLY alike) but since he has a whole 2 months of diving experience, he "knows all that." So, I ascend and show him how to operate his BC. (everyone is watching this, and I am highly amused). Mr. Costeau with his high dollar equipment and he doesn't even have a clue as to how to use it! Hilarious! We descend to about 70 feet and there are nurse sharks everywhere! It is incredible! Our dive master brought food for these sharks, so they are basically swimming all around us, letting us pet them, swim with them, etc. Absolutely awesome!!!! We also saw a barracuda lurking about, and also a green moray eel. For this dive to be my first blue water dive, it was unbelievable. We finish the dive and return to the boat. Barry is removing his gear and stepping all over everyone to get to his bag. It is as if he is the only one on the boat. He is also convinced that everyone on the boat is in awe of his dive gear. He has the best fins, the best mask, the best regulator, the best of everything, and he just KNOWS everyone else is jealous of his great equipment. (again, our gear is EXACTLY alike, except for the computers, but no mention was made about how everyone on the boat wanted MY stuff, only HIS.) We returned to the dock and we had a 45 minute surface interval (time between dives, to have our tanks refilled, etc.) Barry heads to our room for another stogie. I remained at the dock and visit with people, etc. We are ready to go out again, but guess what???? No Barry once again! So, we wait, and wait, and wait. Finally, here he comes. We didn't even expect an apology this time. Off we go. Same basic scenario for the boat as far as gearing up. However, I decide that he is not the Lord and Master of this dive boat and that I am going to gear up with the rest of the group. He chewed me out for accidently stepping on his fins. Oh horrors! He tells me to wait for him to gear up first. I tell him that I am tired of being told every move to make and that was going to stop that here and now! I gear up! We all fall off the boat. He knows how to descend this time! We are all so proud! We enjoyed another incredible dive! However, on this dive, Barry failed to do the decompression stop (it means he didn't do a safety stop at 15 feet for 3 minutes, something required on deep dives... in other words, he screwed up!) and because he didn't decompress, his computer locked up. His computer knows that at the depth we went to, a safety stop is necessary, and if it is omitted, then the diver shouldn't dive for 24 hours, so his computer will lock up for 24 hours, basically telling the diver, "you can't dive." It's a safety feature on his high tech computer. Mine will not shut off. It trusts me to know the rules of diving! Now, another important factor to note is that Barry does not know why his computer has shut off. He hasn't read that part in the manual. So, he is calling the computer names, complaining, whining, etc. The dive master hears this and tells him that he's seen one of these computers before, and asks if he did the decompression stop. Barry said he forgot about it! (he and I were no longer diving buddies because he would not stay with our group, he'd go off on his own, and I was not going to stray from our group, because I am a safe diver and I really don't want to drown!) So, basically he ascended on his own, and while the rest of us did our safety stop, he continued to stay deep. We all saw him, but thought for sure he'd do his safety stop. It's kinda one of those important things you learn in dive school! So, the dive master informs him that the computer has shut off for 24 hours. This chaps Barry. What else is new! The other divers in the boat are rolling their eyes. I am oh so proud that this wonderful guy is with me!!! After we arrive back at the dock, Barry is told that our dive package only included 2 dives a day, and that was our second dive. He turns to me and said, "Didn't you ask about that? We need at least 4 dives a day. Two dives isn't anything." This was my first diving trip, and I didn't know that 3 days of diving might mean 2 tanks per day. Silly me, I should know this!!!! However, we are told we can have 2 more dives for $50 each. Fine with me. Barry thinks this is outrageous and no way are we doing that. He proceeds to cuss, throw a fit, etc. Feeling bad cuz I felt like I screwed up on making the initial planning, I offer to pay for both of us. No, he was going to punish me for being so stupid. We aren't going to dive any more that day. I am really growing to dislike him more and more. So, the rest of this long day (it is only noon) we decide to shower and clean up and go eat and explore the island. That sounded fun! The rest of the day was pretty good. During the day, we found a dive shop that had a snorkel trip for January 1. We thought that would be a good thing to do for New Year's Day. It was an all day trip to another island. But we had 2 more days of diving in our package, so I suggested we'd just combine all 4 remaining dives into 1 day, tomorrow, thus leaving the following day open for the snorkel trip. (hey, someone's gotta do some planning, ya know!) We went out to dinner that night and it was a good meal. We had a great time!!! (again, mark this moment!) However, he had to complain that the food wasn't cooked right, and it ended with him getting a free meal. I was highly embarrassed. Barry is pleased that he got something FREE. He also has a lengthy conversation with the waitress about the price of land in Belize, because he and some other investors are thinking about building an upscale resort, or maybe a dive shop, or maybe a restaurant. Not sure what they want to build yet, but he wants to know what she thinks about such a project. I guess I should be impressed that I am with such a big spender! And I know that normal businessmen always ask for the knowledgeable advice of a waitress before they close those big deals.....Yeah, right!

The morning of the 31st, we headed for the pier. (Keep in mind, Barry's computer is still not working cuz it hasn't been 24 hours yet.) I had found a guy who rents underwater video cameras for $55 a day and I wanted to rent one so we could video the sharks, etc. I paid for it and returned to the boat. Mr. Cinematography decides he is more of a camera man than me. Oh, I forgot to tell you about his "diaper bag." It is one of his carry on bags, but inside it is a camcorder, 2 batteries, cables, tapes, battery re-charger, portable CD player with little speakers, car adapter, and about 40 CDs, batteries, headset, 2 cameras, film, batteries, batteries, batteries. It's a heavy little booger! This "diaper bag" goes EVERYWHERE with Barry. Yes, even on the dive boat. Why??? Because he thinks if he leaves it anywhere, such as in the room, someone will steal it. Can you say PARANOID? Oh and I also forget to tell you that every morning when Barry gets up, he takes everything out of his suitcase and re-packs it, sooo nice and neat. The term ANAL RETENTIVE comes to mind. But we all have our quirks, so I try to grin and bear it. After all, he had to look at me with my coke bottle eye glasses on the dive boat! I didn't think dealing with contact lenses with salt water would be a positive experience, therefore, I took my hideous glasses. He made fun of me at every opportunity, but I can't blame him for that, cuz I did look pretty scary! My diving mask has my prescription made into it, so I could see fine underwater, but between dives, I wore the glasses. I decide to let Barry be in charge of the underwater camcorder. Not by choice, but because it was easier than arguing. We re-visit the site where the sharks were. (I requested to do this dive again, since we now had the camcorder) and we are again visited by the sharks. We videoed each other petting the sharks, etc. It was a great dive! We returned to the boat and headed for the dock for the surface interval. We have 3 more dives to go! Between dives, we returned to the camcorder guy to get a new battery (those underwater camera batteries only last for 30 minutes max, so between dives we had to change batteries). Barry asked the dive master to pick us up at that dock so we didn't have to make that long walk back. They are thinking we are a total pain, but they deal with us. On the next dive, we went through caves. We had to follow each other through it. We are videoing all of this because it is really something else! We had just gone through a cave and we were about 80 feet down when I saw Barry signaling something to another diver. He was directly in front of me, facing away from me, so I couldn't see what he was doing. Then, he turned around, facing me and gave me the "out of air" signal. I handed him my primary air source, and he started breathing from it. I used my secondary air source, and we signaled to the dive master that we had a crisis and were surfacing. When we surfaced, Barry's nose was bleeding and he was white as a sheet. Panic was all over him. We got on the boat and he basically collapsed. He was trippin! When he calmed down, he thanked me over and over again for being there to save his life!!! Since his dive computer was on the blink, he was diving with no gauges. (VERY stupid, but it was his decision to do that) The dive master almost didn't let him dive due to that fact. But Barry assured him he'd be fine. The dive master told Barry to stay with HIM the entire dive. Of course Barry didn't do that. In any event, he was fine. When everyone else re-surfaced, Barry asked each and every one if they were the one he first gave the "out of air" signal to. Nobody would admit that the signal was ignored by them. I know I saw him signal to someone, but I wasn't paying that much attention to what was going on. He was just very lucky that at that moment, he was right beside me, cuz throughout all of our other dives, he was nowhere near me. What luck! (I should have let him drown when I had the chance!) We arrived back at the dock and I asked Barry if he felt good enough to dive the remaining 2 dives. He doesn't know how he felt!!! He needed time to think. I told him I would do whatever he wanted to do. We had lunch and he decided he'd be okay. We are diving with a new group, and Barry tells all of them about running out of air at 90 feet earlier in the day. We did the remaining 2 dives and he was by my side. On the last dive, the water was getting really rough. When I surfaced, a big wave greeted me and literally turned me upside down, causing me to lose a fin! Oh well, a vacation is not complete unless you lose something! Those fins didn't quite fit that well to start with, but they matched my wet suit so well!!! (I have my priorities, ya know!) On the way to the room, Barry told me he was going to have nightmares about running out of air. He was not looking forward to re-living that feeling. (Little did I know I would soon be LIVING a nightmare!!!) We returned to the room to get cleaned up for dinner. I had showered and was getting ready to go, and I looked over and saw Barry asleep. It is 7:00pm. It is New Year's Eve. We are in Belize. This is not good. Barry semi-woke up and said, "Let me rest a little while because I think I messed up something in my head or in my lungs when I ran out of air, I am having a hard time breathing, cuz it feels tight. I keep wanting to gasp for air." So, I sat down and began to read. No TV's on this little island, except in 2-3 restaurants. I had this cute little outfit that I had planned to wear out for New Year's Eve. I was dressed in shorts at the time, and the cute little outfit remained in the closet. 8:00pm came and went, 9:00pm came and went. I tried several times to wake him up so we could at least go eat, but the answer was the same, "Just a few more minutes." It is now midnight. I hear fireworks outside. I couldn't leave him alone because I was concerned he'd have a nightmare, or maybe really couldn't breathe. Lord only knows why I should care!!! So, 1998 came and I didn't even get to see the ball drop! Happy New Year, Jill!

Okay, here we are on the 1st. We're supposed to go on our snorkeling trip today! Snorkeling is easy, so this will be a relaxing day! We gather our stuff (including the diaper bag) and head for the pier. The water looks rough. I don't see any boats going out, and I'm not sure I even want to go out in this. Sure enough, our boat doesn't go out. Now what are we going to do all day long? There aren't many shops, and the few that are there are run by the same guy so they all have the same stuff! Alas, we find a football game on! So, we spend the day watching football games in this restaurant. What a thrill. We also walk around the town to look at real estate companies so we can see what land is going for. He also asks a few people here and there about his plans to buy something with investors. AGAIN!!! We go home to get dressed to go to dinner and guess what? Mr. No-Air has a headache and needs to rest before we leave. You guessed it... 8:00pm and we're not going anywhere again. So, I decided to crash early because we have to catch a 6:00a.m. boat to the Blue Hole. This is an overnight boat, so we not only have to catch that boat, but we have to check out of our suite with all 4 suitcases and 4 carry-ons in tow. Before I went to bed, I arranged for them to wake us up at 5:00 a.m. and made sure we'd have transportation to haul our bags, etc.

It is now the 2nd at 5:00 a.m. Knock Knock. Here we go, getting ready to leave. And Mr. Anal Retentive is repacking his suitcase, yet again! I am ready to go and he's asking how we're going to get our stuff to the boat. I told him I'd taken care of that. It is 5:50a.m. and he is FINALLY ready to go. (he's worse than any woman I know) Since we are really running behind, I had already carted our 4 suitcases and 3 carry-ons down 3 flights of stairs. I didn't take the diaper bag cuz he wanted to carry it. We are taken to the pier in a golf cart (the main mode of transportation on the island) and we proceed to haul our load to the boat. Barry asks me what I am going to do about my fin? I told him I'd grab one at the dive shop. He blew up at me, "I don't know why you waited until just now to handle that. You should have done that last night before you went to bed. You're not a good planner." I didn't respond. I knew they'd have a full supply of gear at the dive shop to borrow, so I wasn't worried. But it gave him another excuse to complain, and I just let it go in one ear and out the other. While I was at the dive shop getting my fin, Mr. Helpful loaded HIS suitcases onto the S.S. Minnow, and left mine on the pier. I really kinda thought he'd take it for me, but that would be WAY too nice! So, I hauled my stuff the best I could, and some guy had pity on me, and gave me a hand. Barry said, "You are so spoiled. You can't do anything without help, can you? You shouldn't bring that much luggage if you can't handle it yourself." All of my stuff had wheels, and I CAN handle it myself, however, on a wooden pier, it is a tad difficult to roll wheels between 2 inches of gapping wood!!! And although I don't consider myself "spoiled", I will admit I enjoy a gentleman giving me assistance when it is needed! When I finally got it all on the dive boat, (this was a big, overnight boat with 3 levels on it.) I lugged it down to where all of the other bags were. Barry sat on the deck smoking a stogie while I arranged all 4 suitcases, etc. (He's got the diaper bag with him, but you're not surprised, are you?) Off we went. This was a 3 hour tour (sound familiar?) to our first site. We all took naps and relaxed on the way. Barry tells everyone that he ran out of air 2 days ago at 100 feet. And talks about buying land in Belize with investors. And he tells a guy that he is in Saudi Arabia doing "litigation" work. The guy said, "Are you a lawyer?" Barry said, "Yes." (he was unaware that I was around the corner... cuz you see, Barry is NOT a lawyer, he is a construction engineer.) When we were 15 minutes to dive, they announced for us to gear up. There were 20 people on this boat, so we all had to be fairly organized. Mr. ME FIRST was again, all over everyone making sure he was ready first! His computer is working now, so he doesn't need anyone anymore. Everyone was falling off the boat, and the next thing I knew, they told me to do a giant stride off the boat, basically walk into the water. Well, I really didn't want to do this, cuz I have weak knees and I didn't think this was a good idea, but before I knew it, I was giant striding into the water. When my fin hit the water, my left kneecap dislocated. Great. I'm under water and it was only out for a couple of seconds, but ohhh my gosh it hurt! But I thought I could handle this. I descended, and found out these borrowed fins were pretty lousy. There was a heavy current against us, so I'm having to kick like everything, my knee throbbing the entire time, and I was not making headway. Before I realized what was going on, the entire group had left me! They thought I was with them, but I knew I had too many factors against me, and no dive buddy to dive with. So, I aborted the dive and returned to the boat. When the group returned, I said nothing. I asked Barry, "Did you miss me on that dive?" He looked at me like I was crazy. I told him what happened. He didn't even know I had re-surfaced! I had saved his bacon 2 days before, and yet he didn't even bother to LOOK for me on that dive. I went off! I told him that the least he could do is keep an eye out for me. He goes, "That's not how I dive. If you can't keep up with me, I'm not going to be forced to slow down my dive to wait for you. When I dive, I want to explore everything, I don't want to have to watch you." What a guy! If he was on fire, I'm not sure I'd spit on him to put him out!!! The dive master wrapped my knee because it was swelling up quite a bit. We went another 2 hours to another dive site and it was time to suit up again. I was really in pain and knew that if I was going to dive the Blue Hole in the morning, I'd better take it easy on my knee. So, I sat that one out. When everyone surfaced, they were talking about this little fish or that beautiful plant, typical chatter. But Jacques Costeau saw a sword fish and maybe a great white shark or two, dolphins, and several barracudas, etc. Nobody else saw all of that. He must have really been lucky since the Great White Shark doesn't usually hang around that area, they are found literally hundreds of miles away. See, this particular dive site was a little garden area, where no major fish can feed. So, it was mostly colorful plant life, etc. No barracudas, no swordfish, at all. But nobody told Barry any of that. Why should they? He was providing them better tales than they could ever dream of! So he is now the laughing stock! I'm enjoying this moment!

We finally made it to this little island. A bird sanctuary. (Apparently someone forgot to notify the birds, cuz we didn't see not one bird.) There were 20 of us on the boat, and only 8 bunks on board, and a couple of areas on the lower deck to sleep, so we were asked who wanted to stay on the boat and who wanted to sleep in tents? Indiana Jones decided we'd take a tent. (By the way, I was joking with him on one of the earlier dive boats and called him "Indiana Jones," and I was chewed out later for "making fun" of him in front of people. It was ok for him to make fun of my coke bottle glasses, but I should NEVER make fun of the Great & Perfect Barry.) Forget the fact that all through the trip, he wore this hideous flipped up safari hat. He was Indiana Jones from the word go! Anyway, we pitched our tent. . It was only 9pm, but since we were heading out at 6:00 am, we all crashed. About midnight, Monsoon Matilda hit. I mean, 40 mile per hour winds, rain like I'd never seen rain before! Since the tent was open to provide a draft, we were getting soaked. Barry couldn't get it zipped up! So, rain is pouring into the tent by the buckets! The tent is collapsing! Barry is only worried about the diaper bag, and his precious dive computer would get wet (and by the way, he is convinced that 2 people on the boat are "eying" his computer and are making plans to steal it. So, all of his bags are locked up, and his diaper bag and dive computer are at his side at every moment. I told him, "We're on a dive boat. Where do you think they'd hide your stuff? If your things came up missing, you would KNOW they'd have to be on this boat!!!" But nevertheless, he was convinced that the entire crew and passengers were out to steal his stuff.) He yelled "Don't let my stuff get wet!" I reached for it, and that was when my knee reminded me that it HURT! In 3 hours, it was swollen up like a grapefruit. Barry screamed at me to put all of his stuff in a pile, wrap it in a blanket and run for the boat. I start to put on my shoes and he goes, "Just GO." In other words, leave my stuff, just make sure his stuff gets on the boat. Well, big deal. I continued to put on my shoes, put ALL of our stuff in a blanket, and started to hobble to the boat. Two guys from the tent beside us saw me limping toward the boat with my arms full, and one guy grabbed the bag I was carrying and ran to the boat. (I kinda wanted to hold onto the diaper bag so I could "oops" drop it into the ocean! That would have totally MADE the trip for me!!!) The other guy helped me hobble in the dark! We didn't see this log and we both fell into the mud! We laughed so hard! (At this point, EVERYTHING is funny!) We finally make it to the boat and Commando is already there. He's waking everyone up and telling them to pair up in their bunks. Barking orders to everyone. Re-arranging the entire group. These are tiny twin bunks, but it didn't matter, cuz Commando didn't have a bed, and that just couldn't happen!!!! Finally everyone found a place to sleep and we made it through the night.

The next morning, off we went. The cook had a continental breakfast for us. I was sitting on the top bunk right by the coffee pot and the idea of jumping down on my knee didn't appeal to me, so I asked Barry if he'd hand me a cup of coffee. (he was literally 2 steps from it) He goes, "What's wrong with you?" I said, "Well, I didn't really want to jump down on my knee." He goes, "Will you quit whining about that knee?" Someone else handed me the coffee. We arrived at the Blue Hole at about 9:30 a.m. One girl in our group didn't dive because she was seasick. So, I used her fins. Big improvement. The Blue Hole was incredible. We went about 145 feet. That is my deepest dive. When we returned to the boat, I struck up a conversation with the girl who let me use her fins. I was just glad to talk to someone who wouldn't chew me out over something! We went to the upper level with the captain and about 10 of us had a great time! I felt bad about leaving Barry, so I went downstairs to invite him to join us. He was asleep on the bunk, along with his diaper bag. Soon after that, we were served lunch. Barry was sitting on one side of the boat by himself. I went and got my lunch and went to the closest out of the way place to eat. Later, I am chewed out for not bringing him a plate! So, now, I am not only a bellhop, but a waitress! Nobody is sitting beside Barry because he's already told everyone who would listen that he has traveled the world, lives in Saudi Arabia, used to live in Honduras, recently went to Africa (2 years ago) and India, and knows his way around Europe with his eyes closed, and really wants to go to China. WHO CARES??????? See 3 of these people own a travel company! They go all over the place FREE! They really didn't gain any information from Mr. Atlas. So, for the remainder of the trip, I stayed on the upper deck making new friends! We had a ball! Someone even brought a bottle of champagne, so about 10 of us shared the bottle to welcome in the new year! The ride home took twice as long because of extremely rough waters. I didn't care, cuz I was having a great time! I would later be chewed out for "leaving Barry alone for the entire trip home." Let's get the facts together here... we are on a dive boat. There wasn't much of an option of places to go. The lower deck, the middle deck, or the upper deck. If I remained on the middle deck with Barry, (who by now closely resembles the anti-Christ in my eyes, and in the eyes of everyone on this boat!) and watch him sleep, or go to the upper deck, and have a great time getting to know new people! Which one would YOU pick? Maybe I made the wrong choice, but I opted for the FUN DECK! I told the big baby he could have joined us at any time, but he said, "I had to stay on that bunk because all of my stuff was there, and if I left, someone would have taken that bunk, and probably stolen my stuff." I told him he could have brought his stuff to the upper deck, as there was plenty of room. I was told I should have come down to the middle deck and invited him up to join us. Darn, where are those engraved invitations when you need one? When we finally arrived back to the island, it was too late to catch our scheduled flight to the mainland. So, the captain radioed in and found rooms for those who needed one. (Barry is unaware of any of this) I tipped a guy to bring in ALL of our luggage and carry it the 3 floors up to our room. Barry is just standing there wondering what is going on! How did I arrange this? Amazing! He's just happy it is all taken care of, and that he does not have to exert any effort. We go to our room and he starts cleaning his gear. Mr. Considerate proceeds to use up every hanger in the place, and every available place to hang stuff! At this point, I expected nothing less! I waited until he was finished and then washed my stuff. He watches me clean my BC vest and is so impressed by how I did it, that he wants me to clean his like that. I did. I then try to hang stuff wherever I could so it could dry. I said, "Guess you couldn't save me a hanger?" He said, "You've gotta be quick around here." I shower and get dressed and start to dry my hair in the bathroom. "Can't you dry your hair out here, so I can shower?" he barks. I didn't think he was ready to shower since he was AGAIN re-packing his suitcase, and fiddling with the stuff in the diaper bag. Nevertheless, I moved out of the bathroom so Mr. Clean could do his thing.

The next morning, I suggested we find a washateria because we had 2 big bags of wet clothes from the S.S. Minnow's excursion. Salt water really leaves a nasty smell and I didn't want to put those rancid clothes in the suitcase with my clean clothes. So, we went off to find a place to wash clothes. No such luck. They had one place and it was totally FULL. We planned to leave the island later that day so we decided to wait until we hit the mainland to wash clothes. We decided to eat. Low and behold, Green Bay was playing for the NFC Championship! By the time we finished eating, it was about 1:30pm. Barry said, "Why don't you go back to the room (7 blocks away) and check us out, and then go to the airport (another 5 blocks away) and put us on the 4pm flight to Belize City, so I can watch the game. Then, come and get me when it's time to go." Why don't I just do that!!!! All that is going through my mind right now is SURVIVAL. I have already promised myself that if I can ever get away from this ya-hoo, I will kiss the ground! Also, I am aware that in Saudi Arabia, football games are seldom seen, and Green Bay is Barry's favorite team, so I knew it was a real treat for him to see this game. I should have moved Heaven and Earth to somehow get the establishment to change the channel, so he could feel a portion of the misery he had brought my way!!!! But, I hobbled off to the hotel. I tipped this guy to haul all of our stuff down 3 flights of stairs (not the diaper bag, cuz he has that with him, you know.) and to the front office. I then made arrangements for a cab to come and transport all of this stuff to the airport. I called the airport and made arrangements on the 4pm flight. It is now 2:30 and I have a whole hour before I have to confront that idiot again. Time flew by. I went to the restaurant and Mr. Couch Potato had re-arranged the chairs and tables to where he is right square in front of the TV. Forget about the other 20 or so people there, cuz they don't matter. All that matters is that HE is front and center because he is a Green Bay Packer shareholder, you see..... (I later learn that in order to be a shareholder of Green Bay, you must RESIDE in Green Bay. I don't think Saudi Arabia is in Wisconsin, but I might be wrong.) Green Bay wins and we head for the airport. All we have to do is get on the plane. Another 8 seater. He chats with someone on the plane about his diving accident, and how he was at 115 feet when he ran out of air.

As a post note, just to give you the updated scoop, the infamous video that I arranged and paid for, is in Barry's possession at this time. He refuses to give it to me, merely because he knows I want it; therefore, he will make sure that I NEVER get it! What a guy!

(in case you're wondering, the only reason I'm being halfway civil to him is to try and get my videotape. You only have your first blue water dive once, and I would like to have my tape of that experience!) STAY TUNED!

7-19-99 OH HAPPY DAY! I FINALLY RECEIVED THE TAPE! Nothing like waiting over a year and a half for something that you paid for, but I guess the anticipation makes it all worthwhile! Take my advice, if you ever meet this guy, RUN!!!!!!!!!!!